Ever want to choke somebody who DIDN'T deserve it?

I can say that I have. Last night, I spent a few minutes staring at the cess-pool in my back yard, taking particular notice of how the water now has a lovely green layer of scum at the top. Nearby you can see the carnage that remains from Marshall's emergency excavation needed to make the water drain. My yard looks like a complete piece of shit, and is still mostly under water.

Last night the neighbor 2 houses down was watering his lawn. Holy shit, I wanted to kill the guy. The poor bastard would have never seen it coming, because I would have used my ninja skills to slide through the woods as stealth as a fox. I'd sit perfectly still until I could go all kung-fu on his ass. Just for watering his lawn. Damn him and his nice green grass!

The above picture is a dramatization. No ninjas were harmed during this writing. Price does not include tax, title, license. Your milage may vary. LLC, Reston Virginia.

Catholicism: Now with 25% less guilt!

Yesterday Kristin and I had to sit through 3 hours of pre-marriage training. Although not nearly as bad as I expected, it was still jam packed full of bullshit. The first hour or so involved a guy with a hell of a tan talking about the sacraments and why you're a disrespectful asshole for wanting to get married somewhere other than in a church. He also got into a little bit about respecting each other, which certainly is good information for those who are too stupid to marry somebody who isn't already respectful. Next we had the pleasure of having a couple who were married for 55 years give us some insight. It was cute and heartwarming to see their happiness and love for each other, but a lot of that heartwarming emotion turned to boredom as she rambled on and on about her kids. As much as I appreciate their advice, the fact that only 2 of their 5 kids are happily married makes me wonder...

The last hour was by far my favorite. It's in this hour where we got to hear a registered nurse tell us all about "natural family planning" (NFP for the hip youngsters out there) which should be renamed "have unprotected sex and pray to god that you don't knock her up". In this gripping tale of fantasy and love from above, we learned all about how to identify the point in a woman's cycle based on the condition of her, um, motor oil. I shit you not. Between the terminology and the pictures in the handly little pamphlet, I was about ready to hang myself from the cross. The fact that the Catholic church actually expects people to follow this bullshit reinforces my opinion that this entire religion is a crock of shit. What reason could the church possibly have for being against contraception, yet they aren't against this NFP method. Now, no matter how you look at the churches stand on contraception, you have to appreciate the bullshit here. If you believe what the church says about contraception interfering with God's will, then you have to dismiss all medicine, and subsribe to the belief that God will let you roam the earth for as long as he deems necessary. After all... if contraception interferes with his will to bring people into this world, then all modern medicine certainly interferes with his will to take them out. Secondly, how does using the NFP method in any way not interfere with God's will, unless of course it's because it simply doesn't work! If that's the case, then the church is flat out lieing to you, and promoting irresponsible behavior that can result in unwanted pregnancy. Either way, it spells the same word: Bullshit.

Was this comic written about me?

Click on the pic to see the whole thing.

April Snowmobiling!

Well, it's official. I went snowmobiling in April, specifically, April 8th (Easter Sunday). I rode 25 miles. The trails were a bit foreign to me because they were ungroomed and had a combination of deep(ish) snow and eroded areas where the ground was clearly visible. Overall though, not too shabby.

Now Accuweather is forecasting 6-12" for Thursday, so we may have extended riding. Unfortunately, I've got some major obligations this weekend, so I won't get the chance to ride before the trails are officially closed on the 15th. But, maybe I'll get lucky enough to ride a little on Thursday and friday nights, and maybe early next week on the non VAST trails.

It's so strange. I drove my Camaro in January, and now I'm snowmobiling in April.

What to do with a pain in the ass cat

Lately one of my cats has decided that when I'm behind a closed door trying to get a good night's sleep, that she's going to meow and bang on the bedroom door all night. Of course I can't let her in because then she raises hell and keeps me up half the night. I've tried yelling at her, I've tried holding back her "treats" and I've even closed her into the other bedroom. I'm about ready to buy something to show her where she's going to go if she keeps it up:

And.... back to winter

8" of snow overnight, and it was still snowing when I left the house this morning. The first two inches is very heavy sleet that's so dense that I walked entirely on top of it without sinking at all. The remaining 6" was lighter stuff. I'm debating whether or not to go through the work of getting the sleds back out of the garage for the weekend. Kristin mentioned that her parents may enjoy tooling around on the old sled a little bit, and I'd sure love to rack up a few more miles on mine. But, the VAST trails, if they're not closed already, still won't be very good because all of the water bars will be wide open. But, it might be fun to tool around in the field and up the road a little bit. I guess I'll see if I'm motivated enough to bother.

Human Resources = idiots

I've never met an HR person that had any sort of a grip on reality. Then again, I could probably extend that comment to virtually all Psychology graduates. But even of that group, the bottom feeders seem to all wind up in HR positions.

Today we all got a "gift" at work. Wrapped in a very high quality, glossy cardboard package is a piece of shit compass. The outside of the package says "Navigate Your Future" and the inside says "Map Your Sucess". Are these idiots serious? Can't I just have the fucking $10 they spent on this piece of shit?